The Treehouse Tapes

The raw beginning of a new story......

August 2017: Two hours into a weeklong retreat alone at a remote cabin in the northern Cascades I suffered a serious dislocation injury, unable to stand or walk. The pain was extreme. I lost consciousness or simply passed out. I don't entirely know. Then a traumatic event. Some have described it to me as a Kundalini event....an awakening. I saw the truth, graphically. I'm a visual student and artist. This truth appeared in disturbing details.

The emotional trauma matched my physical pain 2:1. I was in a state of shock and utter disbelief.

My rescuer arrived 27 hours later. He traumatically abused me mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritual until I could physically flee 3 weeks later. A misogynistic narcissistic sociopath snapped. He was my best friend since I was 20, my husband since 32. It was all an illusion. I saw the covert behaviors, the countless women and many financial deceptions. 20 years of countless lies. My marriage had been overcrowded before it began. Sadly most were married themselves.

I forgive everyone. Gemini's forgive easily. We don't forget. We just move on.

Every identity or label to define myself left that day. My spiritual quest and curiosities since childhood abandoned. Poof! Like a bad taste in my mouth I lost interest in pursuing my spiritual path and even my career path. My beliefs, faith and trust in myself shattered. Unraveling my self-denials would follow.

At the time of the accident I was working as an executive director building housing for those experiencing homelessness in Seattle and the Puget Sound. At the last board meeting a secret potential merger was announced. My livelihood was in jeopardy. Plus I was weeks away from closing on our dream property. Board members thought the mountain cabin would help me destress as talks of the merger began.

By most accounts our marriage was a fairytale of love and laughter, adventures and building or rebuilding life experiences that our children could savor and explore. I wanted our eight children to become the greatest expressions of themselves. To feel free to explore their creativity, passions and desires. My goal was to be there, and provide them with as many diverse experiences as possible. I chose to homeschool until they chose public school. Respect for self, others, property and the community mattered. Stability and a safe secure environment was paramount.

After the cabin injury my Seattle doctor diagnosed me with "acute adrenal fatigue". She gave me a week of trace mineral injections. I felt clarity for 10 minutes after each session. My eyesight was foggy. My eyes twitched often. My weight dropping. My body temperature steady in the low 90s. My chiropractor and I cried during adjustments. Both doctors gave me huge moral support as I prepped to leave. The plan was to retreat to my closet allies in Bozeman, MT. A 10 hour drive over 5 mountain passes. Only two close girlfriends knew what was happening.

Then "the exposure." I had enough documentation to have my husband arrested. My head was spinning. My chest heavy. Revengefully I introduced all the girlfriends to each other. The cellphones were in my name only. Like a rat running for cover he scurried to his defense with more lies. Immediately I rented a 290 sq. ft. treehouse near the Madison River outside of Bozeman. This would be my healing space. Then I accepted an executive director position with a local hospital. I was determined to heal and rebuild. Due to my spiritual studies I defined this as the beginning of another Dark Night of the Soul. I'd had one in my twenties dealing with seriously ill children. It's the burning of all that no longer serves to aid my future potentials. I've always felt called to serve with loving intent.

The treehouse was furnished. Our young adult children were reeling. My Seattle household moved into a Bozeman storage unit. My husband moved in with his brother. My Seattle employer paid a severance. My nonprofit merged with a corporation. Then, my husband was fired. Suddenly neither one of us had an income to depend on. Poof! He moved into the treehouse. The next day I fell out of the treehouse. My ankle was severely sprained. I was more pissed about the hot coffee in my crotch. The intended healing space now felt like a cage. He had possession over me. I was vulnerable now. I saw it in his eyes. I was learning to observe more keenly because he'd confessed to using my facial expression to manipulate me.

He wanted to do all the talking. I wanted to observe and ask questions. When he lied about a woman, I would later dream about his actual truths with that woman in visual detail. I'd confront him. He would confess my dream was the actual truth. It was surreal. I've never had much trouble sleeping. In the treehouse insomnia arrived like a bull. Once the ankle boot came off I'd seek peaceful time alone in the surrounding mountains hiking or driving.

It was 2 a.m. when I sat straight up in bed intuitively worried about a son living in Bozeman. This sense has happened to me before when I've felt a child was in danger or injured physically or emotionally. I know to make contact or they will soon enough. I alerted my estranged husband then started making coffee. It had been blowing and snowing. My truck would be cold on the drive into town. My son's Jeep had been running rough. I wanted to make sure he got home safely.

In route and less than 1 mile from the treehouse a commercial snowplow driver ran a stop sign and t-boned my truck. I saw it coming then braced myself. The truck was hit by the snowplow twice then spun into the ditch. My body ricocheted in the cab. As I was telling the apologetic driver my transmission had just been replaced, the engine died. I suffered side to side whiplash. My estranged husband held onto the steering wheel so his injuries were minimal. I wanted to go to the treehouse. I refused medical treatment. The next morning I couldn't walk or stand unsupported.

Insurance totaled my truck. My health insurance coverage ended in 3 days. A daughter in Portland was 1.5 weeks away from her graduation as a Chiropractor. The goal was to get my body stable enough to make the trip. To watch her graduate. The truck accident was a blessing. My chosen healing modalities would be covered. The scheduled 4 appointments daily were chiropractic, cranial sacral and deep tissue massage and acupuncture. I tried counseling too but the counselor chosen said she felt inexperienced and overwhelmed. I made it to graduation laying down in the back of a rental truck. I was able to walk and stand during the ceremony.

I cared more about my fractured family healing than caring about my own body and soul. I loved everything about my life in Seattle. We were empty nesters for the first time, saving for the future and adventurous explorers of the Puget Sound. Hiking, biking, kayaking, and traveling often to see friends and family. I wanted it all back as soon as possible but without him. There was an immediately feeling of liberation that day I drove away, and I had not forgotten the feeling. It haunted me now that he was once again under the same roof. I needed a new plan. The truck accident ended my job offer in Bozeman. They needed an executive director that could hit the ground running, My healing from the truck accident would take months. Plus I knew I did not have the mental or intellectual abilities to focus.

He suggested a healing Breathwork retreat in Sedona. He's a Reiki practitioner. In my spiritual practice I believe we are not to taint or mess with another's energy field. Even thinking judgmental thoughts about another can send direct negative energies into their energy field. I wondered what he and his lovers had been doing to me for all those years. It made sense that my body was under attack and in full blown adrenal fatigue. A spiritual parasitic drain on one's own spiritual evolution. I was crushed at how I could not have seen or know the deceptions. More so I couldn't forgive myself as a mother. Just as diverse and uniquely individual as our eight children are so was their own reactions and responses to the exposure and subsequent months that followed. Both of their parents became extremely unstable. The family energy spiraled quickly. Resentments, judgments, assumptions, misunderstandings, confusions and shockwaves of pain hit everyone or so it seemed...

To be continued....

#Trauma #Abuse #SpiritualHealing #EmotionalHealing #IntellectualHealing #PhysicalHealing #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #Sociopathy #Charkras #Fear #Love #Family #Friends #SoulTribe #DivineFeminine #DivineMasculine #SacredSex #Energy #SelfLove #Misogynistic